Joe turns 1

That's right, get REAL close. I'm one inch from taking a swipe at your $400 camera with my cake smeared paw.

You'd think that Dunkin Hines was some sort of acne prevention tool. Anyway, Joe seemed to enjoy his cake both on the inside and on the outside.









Look up! C'mon look up! I want to pack this into my ear without you seeing me. Can Dadda say, "First trip to the emergency room... Oh, wait, I've been there several times"

Mia's 5th Birthday

So we hire this hooker for Mia's 5th birthday...

Did I ever imagine I would have to be a part of this? I love my kids but this thesbian walked into my house and immediately took off her dime store jacket to reveal this getup. Is there any wonder why we drink?

Snow, Skiing, Satire

This is obviously not a true anotomically correct picture of the Giacomo parents... My eyes aren't that big...

This was a bleak year for snow. We were forced to pillage yellow snow from around yonder. Perhaps next year a blizzard will afford us sturdy enough snow to get the arms, mouths, and eh hems the correct width, depth and height.

Note: no snow people were harmed during this recreation although a neighbor did say 30 hail Mary's.




We did a little skiing this year with our friends the Fishers. Perhaps the funniest that happened was the 6' 15" Mr. Fisher wears the same size ski as 4' Isabella Giacomo. The lift operator tried to convince Benton to save money and just use his Chuck Taylor's.






Alan is a dumb middle name (and yes it's mine, so what??) A better middle name for me that also starts with A should be Alcohol. A true marriage made in heaven. Or at least in a brewery.

To that end, I banished all four kids to this hardened enclosure made of fiber board and shamrock beads. They were not to be released until they properly memorized the beers of all 7 days of the week. They received extra credit for knowing the beer of the day on Grunsday.

Joe

What is up with the hair?

Obviously Mom and Dad haven't been able to shake the New Wave era. I mean, you're looking at a future Robert Smith or Sid Vicious here.












Again with the hair. He's happy now but wait til he finds a mirror. At least he won't be upset when he starts loosing it.






Look at this cocky kid. He's either pulling a Babe Ruth and calling his shot or he's pointing out a blemish on the photographer's face.

Easter

This was soon after the kids refused to believe that the raisins I left around the house were indeed Easter Bunny feces.

The old man in the suit is actually a 1 year old. Looks like he should be sitting in the middle of Florence drinking some chianti and scrafing a cannoli.



Isabella and Mia were so wrapped up in their Easter treats, they failed to notice the small bald guy stealing their booty. In Joe's defense, he needed to verify his theory on cheek size vs. total number of peeps. His stomach hurt for days but his movements were very light and airy.





"Um, hey, what's the deal with these things? Did they come out of me? Is it because I shoved all of those marshmellow pigeons down my throat? C'mon people, you've got to warn about these things I'm only 1"

Christmas

How to create a disaster?

Here's a tip, wrap your kids with Christmas lights and choose your issue:

Will it be strangulation?

Will their head and necks be singed by the burning bulbs?

Could Isabella be loosing brain cells by the second because she sure looks like it. Line up for your parenting class




While the redneck in charge of driving this disaster of hay ride took our picture, his three-toothed buddy stole my wallet. Last I heard the robbed me of enough green to film their own movie.

Last I heard their gay cowboy movie was doing well.




Take a look at Isabella and then guess what Joe has inside his #3 Pampers??

1) An ornament
2) A present for Mommy
3) A likeness of Pappaw
4) All of the above

Your answer is 4)

Mia

Maude III Mia's voice is usually accompanied by the shifting of pictures on the wall. She is our funny little comedy with a voice like an angel... An extremely loud one. She's 5 now and growing faster than I can chug bourbon. Our lord, I'm in trouble...




Mia was hungry this night. So hungry, she decided to try and eat the bed.

Family

Dysfunction junction...

Okay, let's pick out the issues here... Notice the beer just out of arms length. One more tug off of it and I'd probably by pulling a Michael Jackson with Joe there. Speaking of him, we're so poor, we can only afford one shoe. Then take a look at our hooker in training. That would overkill for any clown much less a 7 year old.

Cute family photo huh? Beautiful girls, handsome boy, attentive dog, derelict in a lounge chair...

The lady in back got up soon after and started leafing through the garbage bin and later fought off a seagull for a piece of pizza crust.




I really don't have any snide comments on this one. Well okay, one. The kid HAS to buy a comb.







Thank God he put his hood up. Now only if the old guy behind him would find a bag that fit his head.

Isabella

Isabella... 7 years old and the future reason I will die at an early age. I just hope I land on the first date she brings home. That should at least stunt her dating habits until her early twenties. The site of young, handsome Kirk (or Buck, or KC, or whatever butthead she brings home) struggling to free himself from under my lifeless corpse. Brings a tear to my eye



Zip up kid, it's cold out on those slopes

Joe

Joe (aka Fang)

His alias stems from one tooth that is sucking all the calcium out of everything it touches.

Can you believe that this kid is now 1+ years old? This is him after downing 5 pancakes, 1 waffle, 1 banana, some strawberries and a glass of milk. Pie eating contest, here he comes.